BurnOut Rising

 

 

When I was burned out the signs about what I needed to do and understand came crystal clear, and I didn’t have to do anything for them to appear.

 

They came on a whole other level than when I stand strong in myself.

 

It’s just like learning how to read a book. When we are young it’s simple pictures telling the story, and as adults it’s text. It’s the same story it’s just being told in a different way.

 

The stronger you are the more advanced are the signs. You might see something that immediately gives you a feeling or a thought which is the message to you, but the thing you’ve seen might not in itself have anything to do with the message, but you will understand it anyways. While on a burned out level, you’re not yourself and it’s really hard some days to think straight, and that’s when you need the extra help and therefore the signs come as clear as the pictures in a children’s book.

 

While writing this text I got to experience what I’m talking about. I have known for a very long time that one of my goals in Life is to quit smoking once and for all to be able to move forward on my path. I’ve quit several times but every time a stressful life and death situation appears I start again. I hadn’t smoked for about 4 years when my dad died but the first thing I did when I got the news was to light one up.

 

After that I quit again and managed to not start again when my mom got sick and that was only thanks to if you will, that she had cancer so It felt too wrong to buy cigarettes, but when my other half returned and our journey of life or death took off,  I started again to survive that nightmare. At least that’s how it felt.

 

I ‘ve known all along that I have to quit to be able to move forward, and even though I noticed that the second I quit things ran smoothly and when I started again things fell apart, I managed to deny that for a very long time. I kept doing it until the day I hit rock bottom and ended up beyond words burned out.

 

That’s when I decided to listen.

 

The sign that that’s what I needed to do was so clear there was no denying it anymore. I saw that the window sill in my kitchen was crocked so I decided to fix it. When I did that I saw that my my remote control was laying there and when I picked it up a broken cigarette fell out from underneath it, and the brand of the cigarette was GOAL. No one in this house smokes that brand, I’ve never even heard of it. It doesn’t get much clearer than that!

 

The message for me was that I will get things under control once I quit smoking, and so I did. That very second, and in spite of some  very stressful situations, I haven’t started again and things are running as smoothly as ever. Finally!

 

 

A couple of minutes after that I started to write this text about being burned out. One of the things included in my experience of being burned out was losing my short term memory.  I barely remembered my name on occasions and often when I was driving I forgot where I was. Roads I’ve been on a thousand times all of a sudden felt unfamiliar. That really freaked me out at times. I was about to re -heat dinner for my son in the oven cause my microwave just broke. This was the result.

 

             Not a very hard message to interpret. I was severely burned out!

 

As you rise, the signs will change in different ways. You will always get the message if you’re awake enough to see them, they just change shape and form. I believe everybody knows what they need to change to be able to do the things their heart desires. It doesn’t have to be a thing, it can also be a way of thinking or some sort of pattern or conditioning you need to break or change. 

 

Ask yourself. You will know the answer.

 

You will know how to get there every step of the way by asking your heart. Start every day by asking yourself what your next step is today. Take one day at a time, one hour at a time if that’s what you need and listen to yourself and follow your own inner guidance. That’s how I did it and it worked.

 

On my most burned out level I got dizzy when I tried to do things too fast and my heart raised like crazy, and when the smallest responsibility was heading my way I ran out of air. I couldn’t be around people and isolated myself in my apartment as much as I possibly could. My whole body ached all the time and it was hard to do a simple thing as to move a plate from the living room to the kitchen cause I’d forgotten how to do it.

 

On some days for split of a second I forgot where I was even though I was only 10 feet away from my door. I was so disoriented. Just the thought of going food shopping made my tears fall. I could spend two days mentally preparing to go out with the garbage, and when I finally did it felt like I’d climbed Mount Everest. I felt so emotional and desperate for kindness.I believe that came from having PTSD though cause I got flashbacks almost daily of different nightmare scenarios from the past two years.

 

But the worst thing of all was that I sometimes couldn’t breathe, and that could last for days. I couldn’t get air. It was impossible to take a normal breath. It was horrible. I spent those days desperately gasping for air. I understand now that it was caused by the panic disorder I had developed. I broke. It was enough just thinking about the stressful situations I’d been through to make the air disappear.

 

The scariest thing that happened to me when I was on the absolute bottom of my burned outness occurred one night when I was lying in bed. I was not feeling well at all. I was severely stressed out and my adrenalin was pumping and when I got up to answer my phone my right arm was paralysed from the elbow down. It was just hanging there like a dead limb.

 

I got mad panic and tried everything in my power to get my arm to work again and after what felt like the longest minute the blood started rushing there again. And no I had not been laying on it.

 

I got up and tried to walk around but as I did that my heart started to raise like crazy. It felt like I was going to die. I got dizzy and started hyperventilating and then I blacked out. I was  home alone. I was down on the floor and trying to get my shit together but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t stop. It felt like I was disappearing into myself, that’s the only way to describe it and it only got worse.

 

My head was spinning and I thought I was gonna die for real. After 15 minutes of this I grabbed my phone and called an ambulance cause it wouldn’t pass. It arrived 25 minutes later and I spent the night in the emergency room. Turns out it was a massive panic attack caused by severe stress. My adrenal glands had be producing stresshormon on over drive non stop for the past two years and this last event had pushed me over the edge.

 

The day after I got in my car to go and get something to eat but fifty meters down the road everything started to spin so I turned around and went back home again. I had developed agoraphobia. The doctor in the ER told me that I needed to be written of sick for at least a year and to start taking a million different types of pills and get some sort of therapy, and even with that she said I might not ever get well again.

 

I said thanks but no thanks. I knew how to get back up again.

 

The first thing I did was to completely block out the source of my stress. I did that out of love for myself. I quit smoking and started to go out running again everyday which led me to the right type of food so I regained my health again. That quickly freed my endorphins which led me to feeling happy feelings again, and along with them came my strength to get Bliss moving forward again.

 

I found my true self again and the lost love for myself and made all my changes into all that I am again by making one change per week during twelve weeks. I also got three different types of healing once a week to help me heal faster from the inside. I also took three different flower essences by Dr Edward Bach. If you’ve never heard of them google it. They’re awesome.

 

 

I used the same way, the same tools and the same road as all the other times I got knocked down, and it worked perfectly, just in a slower paste than before cause my body said no to too fast. Once I got to the point where I had the strengths to go out running again I balanced out quickly.

 

In the beginning it felt like I took staggering steps every day towards finding myself again and during that time I felt the need to keep to myself, but as the days went by I felt ready to meet people again, one by one until I was back on a stage again.

 

On my darkest level I got the message of what I needed stapled to my forehead. Have you already crashed and burned it’s probably too close for you to see it, so you need to stop what you’re doing and take a step back, close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask yourself what you need to do, and then feel or know the answer.

 

The first thing that comes to mind is your first step on your way back. Continue doing this until you are back upp again.

 

Have the courage to listen to yourself and your body and trust that what you’re feeling is right and follow your own inner guidance. When it feels like a message for you know that it is, no matter how, where and in what way you receive it. If you embrace it and listen, you will not just survive but you will thrive beyond everything you ever thought was possible.

 

The first two rows at my first lecture in Stockholm was filled with deeply burned out people. They hade doubts that it was possible to rise the bliss way from their burned out level. That’s why I ended up there myself to show you that it works. It took me 5 weeks to go from the ambulance stage to stage ready, with NO PILLS, only Healing and Bliss, so to say the least-

 

It works.